Samstag, 16. Januar 2010

Maybe just too blind..

that it is no good. *sighs*
Oh I am teary a lot in the last days. However I don't know if it are tears of joy or sadness. I think it's both.
I just remember hachan's word yesterday at the same time.
"Don't get all worked up about it too much."

I know I know...I know...but those are moments when I actually just notice this loss. It's a loss for me, that I can't bear with.
All my intentions vanished as well because of that.  I thought it's a good thing to do, but the more you feel it, the more painful it gets.
I am actually not afraid of emotions but if  something like this makes you mentally weak like that...I thought for a long time it's something good, but too emotional stuff oh well...I might just love it too much that's why it hurts. Memories..just memories left.

There are periods when I get over it and when I am busy with something different but then again
I slowly go back...it's something no matter how often I do it, I won't get tired of it. It's more than a obsession, it's a part of my life...but it's not present...I cling myself to that past with a deep hope.愛は希望へ続くから ...Hope is good...but if you have too much of it...it's disgusting. It's like I am turning into a disgusting person who stops at nothing just to make this past memory bloom again. But no matter how much bad things I wish to happen just to get my own happiness, it's useless.

Why I just can't accept it...
ここが何処か 何なのか 誰なのか解らなくさせる

Your love この胸に抱きしめる

Did it again...and there won't be an end. Next is Adorenarin I think...

Ah this song was not bothersome at all, simple topic but again for fans <3
too bad it makes me teary too to see a tear dropping Hideki :/


Anyway, speaking of this I already finished my birthday letter for the detrox bbs. i remember I already tried one time ago to post there. in the end I couldn't send it because they don't allow strangers to write in there somehow. sucks..so I will try with proxy..and if that doesn't work I need to find someone whos in japan right now to copy it for me in there! please please~

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Different topic: today I need to go to my stepsis because they simply don't know how to use their notebook. its funny somehow...but I dont want to talk about it much longer XDD BB!